Pam’s life story interview

ALEX: How long have you been supported by United Response?

SW: How long have you been supported by United Response, Pam? And you put me right, didn’t you? Because I said, “oh, you’ve been supported for 50 years.” You was – what did I say? You was 21, and you said, “No.” Actually, you was…-

PAM: I came to Lantern House a few weeks or a few days before my 21st birthday.

ALEX: So, what is that? Is that the early 70s?

SW: Yes, that’d be 51 years.

ALEX: Yeah.

SW: Yes. 51 years, Pam.

PAM: Hmm?

SW: 51 years. 51 years. That was at Lantern House, Pam.

ALEX: Yeah.

SW: Yeah?

PAM: So…

SW: Is that at Lantern House?

PAM: Can you speak up a bit?

SW: Is that at Lantern House?

PAM: Yeah.

SW: Lantern House was the first house that United Response ever had.

ALEX: And you were the first tenant as well?

SW: I’m saying Latern House was the first house that United Response-

PAM: Yeah.

SW: ever had.

PAM: yeah.

SW: And was a…

PAM: First one.

SW: You was the first one. Numero uno.

(ALEX laughs)

PAM: I knew that Lantern House was the first one. I think I knew that.

SW: Yeah.

PAM: And then it just felt – And then it just…went from one place to lots of other countries and places. Where there’s – I don’t know where but there’s a lot – there’s a lot more of them in lots of places too.

SW: Do you remember your mum and dad?

PAM: I was a lot more closer to my mum than my dad because unfortunately he had a bad heart. And so… And this was back in the war. My mum brought [up] three daughters completely and absolutely on her own. And no complaints or anything. She just got up and got go. And not thinking of – She thought of other people, not herself. She just got up, got going. Nothing. No one didn’t even bother to come in and say “Hello. Do you need a helping hand or anything?” Nothing. And one of my mum’s sisters and herself used to do first aid. And…

SW: Pam is just getting something out of her bag to show us.

PAM: Thank you.

SW: Show Alex.

ALEX: That’s nice. Oh yeah.

SW: Is that your parents?

ALEX: Cool.

SW: Beautiful photo.

ALEX: Yeah. Definitely got her eyes. Yeah. Oh, he’s a pilot.

SW: The RAF Wing.

PAM: Yeah.

ALEX: Cool.

PAM: Lots of people say… Lots of people say I look very much like my mum in the eyes.

ALEX: Yeah. Those eyes. You can see that’s the family trait, yeah.

SW: What are their names?

PAM: He was in the RAF.

ALEX: Yeah, what was your mum and dad’s names?

PAM: Sorry?

ALEX: What were their names?

PAM: My mum was called Ruth and my dad was called George Victor.

ALEX: Ah. Cool

PAM: She gave all three of us one of these each.

ALEX: Oh.

PAM: He was in the Air Force.

ALEX: Oh, that’s him in the plane, oh, and the camera.

SW: Pam’s showing us another photograph. Can you just describe it for us, Alex?

ALEX: Yeah, it looks like an Air Force plane. Looks like a bomber or something.

SW: Is that another photo of your dad?

ALEX: Cool.

SW: Lovely.

ALEX: Yeah. It’s lovely. Wow. He looks debonair. Cool.

SW: Very dapper, isn’t he?

ALEX: Yeah.

SW: He’s got a camera, isn’t he? He’s holding a camera.

ALEX: Yeah. That’s what I thought.

(ALEX laughs)

ALEX: Must have taken a picture of the plane… Or something.

SW: But I remember – Pam, I remember you saying that your dad… One thing you do remember is your dad always made room for you.

PAM: Oh, yeah.

SW: You remember that, don’t you?

PAM: Yeah.

SW: What have you got there, Pam?

PAM: This is a bell, which I think my dad put on one of his Jersey cows. And so obviously when he wants some to be milked, then he’ll see where she was.

ALEX: Oh. Yeah.

SW: And what sort of sound does it make, Pam? What sort of sound does it make?

(PAM rings the bell)

ALEX: Oh, it’s like a Christmas bell.

SW: Yeah.

ALEX: Without the tree.

SW: Yeah. That’s a good sound, isn’t it?

PAM: This is what my mum gave me. 

SW: So Pam is showing us a necklace, and it has a silver necklace of a large sort of Fleur de lea flower with ‘GVC’ engraved in a crest on the front and on the back it says, “Cranleigh and W Surrey Farming Club Best Jersey Cow, 1949. So it’s just like a little medal necklace…

ALEX: Ooh..

SW:…for having the best Jersey Cow in 1949.

ALEX: And in the April, ’49. That was when my dad was born. So that’s quite funny, in the same area as well.

(ALEX LAUGHS)

SW: Not in Jersey.

ALEX: What?

(SW LAUGHS)

ALEX: Yeah.

PAM: Can’t remember. I don’t think I’ve got…the medal down.

SW: OK. Pam’s just having a look in her bag.

PAM: No, I’ve forgotten to bring – I’ve forgotten to bring the medal-

SW: It’s OK. Can you just…

PAM: Unless if it’s in there.

SW: can you describe the medal then, Pam? What it’s like?

PAM: Can I…

SW: Describe it?

PAM: No. I can’t.

SW: But he got the medal. Did he… with the cow… the award for the best cow?

PAM: For his best female Jersey cow. He… I can’t remember whereabouts it was, but I got it in the original box, and he won a medal for one of his best Jersey cows. And it’s… There’s a photo of it. And then I think that there’s some writing on the back.

ALEX: Oh.

SW: Fantastic.

ALEX: I bet he was jolly happy when he won that.

SW: Yeah. And I remember, I remember you saying that the one thing you can remember is when you used to milk the cows…

PAM: Oh.

SW: You said that…

PAM: Oh, yeah.

SW: … he always made room for you. 

PAM: Oh, yeah. Yeah. And the milking – At the milking parlour, He always had a little stool in the corner especially for me so I can watch him… milk the cows. And then, I think it might have been sort of – not a camper van but some kind of van, so when he did – after he did the milking and after he put it into these massive crates…heavy metal churns or whatever you call them. You see, he put them on the back and there again he had a special seat for me next to him in the driver’s seat. And so, we went down the lane and then stopped off at the end of the lane. Because I was – I’m the baby of all of the family.

PAM: That’s my second oldest sister, Susie.

DONNA: This one here.

PAM: Yeah, and that’s when we went to a wedding, my nephew’s wedding.

DONNA: To get married?

PAM: I can’t remember whereabouts it was because it was quite a few years, and

there’s my boyfriend.

DONNA: Is that your boyfriend?

PAM: We knew, obviously, we knew each other when we were younger, too.

DONNA: OK. Does your boyfriend still see you?

PAM: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

DONNA: How long have you been together with your boyfriend?

PAM: Sorry?

DONNA: How long have you been together with your boyfriend?

PAM: Nearly 19 years.

DONNA: Oh, it’s a long time. Wow.

PAM: We met… When I lived at Lantern House, there was quite a few – In the actual yard, there’s quite a few sheds where they had their tools in because we used to sell fresh veggies and fruit and everything.

DONNA: OK.

PAM: And so, obviously we did that. And the blokes used to chop wood for firewood. And so we – Outside our house, we used to sell quite a lot of things. And obviously we made a lot of money for them. And we had a workshop where people could go in and thread the loom. And for the female ladies – She did some beautiful, beautiful, beautiful rag rugs. And there again, all of those were for sale as well. And then Rob who was another resident, he had a small loom and there again he did handles. And there was another loom. And that was when I did the handbags.

DONNA: You used to make handbags?

PAM: Obviously, Christina used to work with us. Obviously, she did the sewing and there again, we sold so many things and everything. It was really good. And then there was a little thatched house where my boyfriend and quite a few other people lived and we had a Halloween party. And we were going to have a Halloween party and a disco. But somehow the disco was cancelled, so we just had food and drink and just – we’re together. And obviously, and some of us used to, this was where some of us used to live in Hepworth and we had a little mini bus, and obviously it was dark, and we were getting ready to get back, and he was already sitting in the mini bus, and as soon as I got in, and I was just about to sit down, and he wanted me to sit next to him. And that’s how our friendship got going. And so…thank you. So…

DONNA: That’s how you started having a relationship with him?

PAM: Yeah.

DONNA: Do you love animals? Do you love animals?

PAM: Hmmm…

DONNA: What’s your favourite animal? What’s your favourite animal?

PAM: I wouldn’t say because I like them all.

DONNA: OK. You say you like wolves. Is wolves your favourite animal? Wolves, wolves? You said you like wolves and got paintings of wolves. Can you tell [about] the picture of the wolves? You like wolves?

SW: Can you show Donna a picture you’ve got of wolves? You like wolves, don’t you?

PAM: Yeah. Can I show them to her?

SW: Yeah. Is that alright?

DONNA: Oh, that’s very nice. Did someone paint them?

PAM: Sorry?

DONNA: Did someone paint them?

PAM: No. One of the residents who lives here gave them to me for something to do with my boyfriend’s anniversary or something one time.

DONNA: OK. So, did that make your day? Did it give you a lot of memories, good memories? Yeah. These are beautiful painting – I don’t know what they are. Are they paintings? Did you put them on your wall?

PAM: Sorry?

DONNA: Were these on your wall before?

PAM: I’m hoping someone will put them up on the walls, so that’d be good. And then I get to look at them very closely.

DONNA: Where would you like them on your wall? What room would you like them on the wall? What room?

SW: What room would you like them up on the wall, Pam? What room?

PAM: What room do I put them in?

SW: Yeah.

PAM: I haven’t decided about that yet. I might put them in my sitting room because then I’ve got wolves – because I’ve got wolves just where my bathroom is, I’ve got one picture of a wolf. And every time you move, the eyes would follow you.

DONNA: Does that scare you?

PAM: And…

DONNA: Does it frighten you?

SW: Donna says, “Does that scare you?”

PAM: No. I quite like it because I know that he’s probably looking over you and sort of thinking. Maybe he or she’s thinking – could protect you or something.

DONNA: Oh, OK. Oh yeah.

PAM: And I’ve got one statue of one. [I] just got another one, but that’s just the head. I don’t know what it’s made out of, but I’ve got them both next to each other.

DONNA: Oh, wow. So, I’ve got a picture in my living room of Jesus, of my faith, right? I’m a Christian. I’ve got a picture of him sitting with a shepherd, Lord my shepherd. I’ve got another one with his children. It’s like, wow. It’s reflecting my faith in Christ, basically. I got a painting of him in my walls around, and I’ve got a cross here.

PAM: I’ve noticed that. That’s nice, that.

DONNA: Thank you.

PAM: I love – I can’t – I don’t feel properly dressed without my jewellery on, so I’ve got to wear some kind of thing, even if it’s earrings or bracelets. I just need to put something on just to make myself feel better than I am.

DONNA: Is that a comfort thing?

PAM: Sorry?

DONNA: Is that a comfort thing? Is that comfort?

PAM: Something like that, yeah.

DONNA: I put this on [to] reflect my faith in Jesus. I just love Jesus and telling about my faith with Jesus, so I wear this. Do you see that?

SW: Yeah.

DONNA: You understand what I’m…?

SW: Yeah.

PAM: I’ve got a sister who’s obviously older than me. She lives in Haywards Heath. She lives in a place like this, which is a lot more independent. And we don’t see each other all that much, but she is coming up to her 80th next month. So, obviously she can’t walk all that much or do much for herself now. But she’s got a daughter who lives fairly near her and she’s got a son and so if Susie wants him to buy anything, she’d just give him a list and money and say, “Can you go and buy such and such a thing.” Or if she wants him to do something – anything else – she’d just say, “Can you go and do such and such a thing for me?” And we’d like to try and get in touch with each other on Saturday or Sunday evenings and so… It’s nice because we just want to talk and just see how we are and everything.

ALEX: Did your sister go – When she was younger, did she go and meet you at that – at the house, you know at the lodge?

SW: Did Susie ever go and visit you…

ALEX: Langton House.

SW: …at Langton House?

PAM: Can’t… can’t remember.

SW: Can’t remember? She came and saw you recently, though, Susie, didn’t she, after your birthday?

PAM: Yeah. My…She’s got – she was married twice and she had Rima and Rob from her first marriage and Rima’s name is Tongan because he was – her husband was Tongan. And so she had Rob, them two. Then she got married again and she had Miles, and Miles’ got a family. he’s got a little – they’ve got a little daughter and a son called Harrison and Phoebe. Phoebe is coming to her fifth birthday in August I think and then Harrison, he’s coming up to two and he’s a little pickle. He is absolutely – He can run around and everything. The only thing is though that if he wants to have something to eat and mum and dad’s cutting his food up, he’s really, really – he’s sort o f- [it] feels as though he’s sort of in a temper because he is impatient and he wants to do almost everything for himself, bless him. But as I said, he’s a little sweetie. He really is. And they came to see me on the second of this month. And they’ve got a dog called Hugo. And so… There’s a restaurant just down the road and they let dogs go in. So, obviously, we could go in with Hugo and we had a meal, and it was really nice to see them. And Rob, he lives somewhere in Cornwall and he loves surfing. And, I hadn’t… I’d seen Rob… I’d seen Miles and co. a lot more, but I hadn’t seen Rob for – I can’t remember how long I haven’t seen him for, but it was just so nice to see him because I hadn’t seen him for a while, and it was just lovely to see them all. It was really was. And obviously they’d needed to go back home and everything, but it was just nice because it was just us family.