James’s life story interview

MARK: So, you have, from our pre-discussion, a great many hobbies. So probably not the worst idea to get straight into talking about some of those.

JAMES: Some weird ones as well.

MARK: Yeah, well, I’ve learnt a little bit when we were chatting before.

JAMES: Yeah.

MARK: For some extra points, here, I think. So, I think you like your PlayStation, don’t you?

JAMES: Oh, yeah.

MARK: Yeah. What games do you like playing on?

JAMES: I like sporty games, tennis, snooker, pool, darts, football.

MARK: Okay, which sporty game are you best at on the PlayStation, do you reckon?

JAMES: FIFA.

MARK: Yeah, mentioned with me before.  Are we allowed to call it FIFA anymore? Because there was a change of…

JAMES: It’s…

MARK: I don’t think the…EA Sports is prepared to pay…

JAMES: It’s FC now.  It’s FC now.

MARK: That’s right. That was the bit I couldn’t remember.

JAMES: And wrestling.

MARK: Oh, right, OK.

JAMES: A passion of wrestling. I would talk for England with wrestling.

MARK: Oh, we’ll get around to that.

JAMES: Sorry.

MARK: No, that’s fine. You don’t have to apologise. This is your interview. So, okay. Any other games, other than sports games that you…?

JAMES: Adventure games. I cheated because Paul helped me a little bit with Uncharted. I couldn’t do it on me own. I thought it was too hard.

MARK: Oh, right. Just tell us a little bit about Uncharted. I’m too old to be an expert on these things.

JAMES: It’s a shooting-based game and you go around and collect treasures.

SW 1: It’s all a bit like Lara Croft-

JAMES: A bit like Lara Croft.

MARK: That’s more my era.

ALL: (LAUGHING)

MARK: OK. Excellent. Do you sort of play online with other people?

JAMES: Yeah, I tend to swear. Sorry. The reason why I swear is because I get very frustrated because they are far too good.

MARK: Ah.

JAMES: And I do not like losing.

MARK: OK, but my son’s completely the opposite.

JAMES: Basically, they’re taking the [REDACTED] really.

MARK: Actually, my son is probably one of those people, who is too good because he complains that people aren’t good enough and because he tends to stay awake all night, he’s become an expert at swearing in Russian, because he’s used to play with a lot of Russian people. So, he can’t speak Russian, but he can swear in Russian.

JAMES: I’ve got a few words in Russian, though.

MARK: It’s one of the great things about playing games online with other people.

MARK: So, we’ve already briefly touched upon Newcastle United FC…

JAMES: Way!

MARK… and you have a pretty close relationship with Newcastle.

JAMES: Yeah.

MARK: I believe. Do you want to tell me a little bit about some of the stuff that you’ve done and been involved with at Newcastle?

JAMES: I go to the matches.

MARK: I think you have a season ticket.

JAMES: Yeah, I’ve got a season ticket.

MARK: How long have you been a season ticket holder?

SW 1: Pretty much all your life.

JAMES: Pretty much all me life.

MARK: Impressive.

SW 1: Dad’s a big fan.

MARK: Alright. OK. So, you didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter then? You were taken when you were quite young, were you?

JAMES: I wouldn’t say no though.

MARK: (LAUGHING)

JAMES: (LAUGHING)

MARK: No, not at all. No, no. Could you remember how old you were when you first went?

JAMES: I think it was 9.

MARK: Right. Okay. So… Which leads neatly into our next question, which is who’s your favourite all-time Newcastle United player?

JAMES: My all-time Newcastle player has to be… Nowell…

MARK: Well, in the time that you’ve been watching them, say.

JAMES: It’s got to be… It’s got to be old Alan – It’s got to be Alan Shearer.

MARK: That seems like a pretty…

JAMES: It’s got to be him.

MARK: …uncontroversial choice.

JAMES: It’s got to be him.

MARK: Yeah. Yeah, he was a Newcastle legend. So, how about the current players? Which of the current players do you like particularly?

JAMES: At the minute I like Trippier now, he’s a very good player. He just… When he takes the free kick, it bends, the ball bends. And the goalkeepers nee chance.

MARK: Yeah.

JAMES: It’s nee chance.

MARK: Including in a World Cup semi-final.

JAMES: Yes.

MARK: I seem to remember. Any other current players you particularly root for?

JAMES: I like Isaac.

MARK: Yeah, he’s a bit of a goal machine.

JAMES: Yeah. But the best player at the minute I really like for Newcastle is Harvey Barnes.

MARK: Yeah, now they’ve got him fit again because he missed a lot last season, didn’t he?

JAMES: And he keeps scoring.

MARK: Which is a good way of making yourself popular isn’t it?

JAMES: Yes. (LAUGHING) And plus, we’re the richest club in…

MARK: Well, there is that, yes. So, what changes have you noticed with the Middle Eastern ownership around the place?

JAMES: We got took over by the Saudis.

MARK: Yeah, so have they done stuff to the ground or have they spent all the money on improving the team or…?

JAMES: Yeah. Basically, yeah.

MARK: So, and I believe….

JAMES: We’ve got more money now, so.

MARK: Yes, it’s true. So, I believe that you’re a keen taker of selfies.

JAMES: Yes.

MARK: So, have you taken selfies with any famous Newcastle United or indeed other clubs?

JAMES: There’s a few. There was quite a few. Especially the owner of the Newcastle United, the woman was Amanda Staveley. She came over and saying very… It was a very nice comment. It was brilliant.

MARK: That’s nice to hear.

JAMES: Saying thank you for supporting Newcastle.

MARK: It’s good to hear the fact it was appreciated.

JAMES: When I felt it, it was in the heart, so…

MARK: Yeah. No, it’s nice when people in power appreciate the fans.

JAMES: And she came over and gave me a cuddle.

MARK: Well, very nice. Can’t be bad.

JAMES: No.

MARK: And I think you, did you meet when Newcastle were in the Champions League? Last season, did you meet one of the managers of the visiting team?

JAMES: Yes.

MARK: Can you tell us a little bit about that?

JAMES: I met the manager. He’s like a young German Eddie Howe, I reckon.

MARK: Ah. High praise indeed,

JAMES: Yes, apart from we got beat that day. But I’ll give them credit due.

MARK: All right, you’ve forgiven him, have you?

JAMES: Yeah, because they played phenomenal.

MARK: Was this Borussia Dortmund?

JAMES: Yes, they were a fantastic side. I don’t fault them. I don’t.

MARK: OK. So what…

JAMES: But apparently, the Dortmund manager, apparently, he wants to take Man United on.

MARK: There’s every chance he’ll get the opportunity, I would have thought.

JAMES: Yeah.

MARK: Most people seem to have had a go.

JAMES: Because the Man United manager needs to go because he’s useless.

MARK: On the other hand, as somebody who doesn’t particularly like Manchester United, I think he’s doing a fine job.  So, what, of over all those years, would you say is your best Newcastle United memory? The thing that sticks in your mind and makes you think, “wow, fantastic!”?

JAMES: Me dad took me to the final. We were in the final for the first time in God knows.

MARK: Was this the League Cup or the FA Cup final?

JAMES: I don’t know which one it was, but…

MARK: How long ago was it?

JAMES: Was in Wembley.

MARK: Right, was that the old…?

JAMES: Millennium.

MARK: Oh, Millennium Stadium.

JAMES: Yeah.

MARK: 1999, maybe?

JAMES: When we played Man United in the final.

MARK: Yeah, that’s right.  The year United did the treble.

JAMES: Yes. And that night, it wasn’t a pretty sight to watch. It really wasn’t.

MARK: So, is that both your best and your worst Newcastle United memory?

JAMES: Yeah. We had a very much day I would never forget. It was terrible.

MARK: Oh, dear. So simultaneously best and worst. Interesting. Have you been to any other away games or other grounds watching Newcastle?

JAMES: My dad took me to another weekend in London to the new West Ham Stadium.

MARK: Yeah.

JAMES: …and that was a nightmare to get there. It was absolutely a nightmare because you had to get two trains.

MARK: Oh, right.  Yeah.

JAMES: And I would never do that again.

MARK: I went to it when it was the Olympics Stadium. Yes. And have you been to Wembley itself?

JAMES: No. But one day I will.

MARK: I was going to say yes, before too long.

JAMES: Me dad has. Me dad has.

MARK: Yeah.

JAMES: He’s lucky because he went. He went last year.

MARK: Oh, right. Yeah.

MARK:  So, I think that your dad gave you a fantastic treat a couple of years ago in London.

JAMES: Yes, he did.

MARK: Do you want to tell me a little bit about that?

JAMES: He managed to do this really basically famous game show when I was little. Basically, I went on it, basically.

MARK: Wow.

JAMES: The name of the game show is Crystal Maze. And it was a fantastic experience. I’ve never ever done such a thing like that. It was brilliant. And basically, our team won.

MARK: Oh, wonderful.

JAMES: Yeah, we’ve got 100 gold tokens at the dome.

MARK: Impressive.

JAMES: Yes, very.

MARK: At the Millennium Dome? Is that where it’s – Is that where it’s filmed?

JAMES: I don’t know where it is. I don’t know where Crystal Maze’s filmed.

MARK: So, you met Richard O’Brien?

JAMES: No. I met a guy in London. He was dead funny. He was like a pirate, and he was just funny.

SW 1: It was just Brian appeared on the video, didn’t he on the TV screen?

JAMES: He came up on the TV screen.

MARK: Yeah.

JAMES: … and I said to my dad, “is he here? Is he here?” and he said, “James, it’s not, it’s just a TV.”

MARK: Maybe in the future.

JAMES: It was a brilliant experience, it was brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

MARK: I’ll expect to be told when you get a selfie with Richard O’Brien because that would impressive.

JAMES: Yeah. The games were really, really hard, like very, very-

MARK I always thought they looked very difficult.

JAMES: One of them they didn’t expect how well I was, how well – they were impressed of me doing all the challenges.

MARK: What did you have to do?

JAMES: Well, one challenge, it’s like you were in this kids’- what do you call them? Like kids play area? So, they’ve got like levels. And you have to hunt gold things.

MARK: Yes, so I know the sort of thing you mean. So almost like-

JAMES: And you have to get 3 gold thingies to release the crystal. So, the level was up and up and up and I was the only one person in there who actually did it.

MARK: Wonderful.

JAMES: No one did it but me.

MARK: Great stuff. Well done.

CHARLOTTE: How many people were there taking part?

JAMES: It was just my parents. Because my dad pleaded.

CHARLOTTE, JAMES: (LAUGHING)

MARK: If you got to make all those arrangements and go all that way, the least you can do is take part, isn’t it?

JAMES: It was a good, very good day.

JAMES: It was brilliant.

MARK: That’s wonderful.

JAMES: Yeah, it was good.

MARK: What sort of support did United Response used to give you when you were living at home and do they give you now, with these fine gentlemen sitting opposite me?

JAMES: Still the same, still the same. They cook me meals, they look after me well. I’m more relaxed now than what I used to be.

MARK: Yeah, you strike me as fairly chill.

JAMES: I’m [in a] much better place right now. That’s about it, really.

MARK: But you obviously have a really good working relationship with these people.

JAMES: Yes. Especially Tom.

MARK: Don’t take it personally.

ALL: (LAUGHING)

MARK: Presumably. For the record, presumably only on the basis that you’ve known him a lot longer than Liam.

JAMES: Yes.

JAMES, MARK: (CHUCKLING)

JAMES: Quite a long time.

MARK: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. (LAUGHING) So, did what United Response do with and for you change at all when you moved out, when you left your parents’ house and moved into your own accommodation?

JAMES: Yeah, it was all changed. Me mood was settled and now I’m more relaxed, now I’m not stressed anymore.

MARK: So roughly how old were you when you moved out from your parents’ house?

JAMES: I think that was…

SW 1: 2021?

JAMES: No, I think it was 18 because Paul was… Paul was another team of United Response, but he…

SW 1: He was the original team leader.

JAMES: He was the original team leader, but then he moved to down south somewhere, so he had to move on. Yes.

MARK: Right, so you’d say you’ve been living independently, you’ve been on your own for a good long while now. I assume from that you prefer it to living with your parents.

JAMES: Definitely, yeah.

MARK: Do you have any pets of your own or did the otter experience sour you on the idea?

JAMES: No, not that I know of.

SW 1: Do you look after your sister’s dogs when she’s?

JAMES: I normally look after my sister’s dogs.

MARK: Well, I feel we don’t have to say dog. Yes. Again, you can give them back.

JAMES: My sister had two, but one of them passed.

MARK: Yeah.

JAMES: He was a lovely dog. He was the best dog you’ve ever come across. He loved everyone. When we watched the telly, he just sits there lying on your knee. Watching the telly. He was like that.

MARK: Yeah? What sort of dog was he?

JAMES: He was a King Charles Cavalier.

MARK: Oh, lovely.

JAMES: Yeah. He cried when I’m not, he cried when I’m not there. Basically, he wants me to be in, basically Lily wants me to be 24/7 with him all the time. He was attached to me. And Tom as well, doesn’t he, Tom?

TOM, SW: Attached in a different way.

JAMES: Yeah.

MARK: (LAUGHING)

JAMES: He’s got a…

MARK: Attached in the same way the otter was attached?

JAMES: No, he’s got a…

TOM, SW: In a more avarice way.

ALL: (LAUGHING)

JAMES: He’s got, he had a… He’s got a very obsession. He’s got… He had obsessions with men’s legs.

MARK: I was going to say, “has Tom got particularly attractive legs?”, but not really, so…

JAMES: He just likes men’s legs.

SW 1: He was a female.

MARK: (LAUGHING)

JAMES: He was female.

MARK: Oh, right. That would explain it.

JAMES: She likes men’s legs.

MARK: Maybe. Moving swiftly on…

MARK, JAMES: (LAUGHING)

SW 1: It was the eye contact.

JAMES: (LAUGHING)

MARK: She tried giving you the eye.

JAMES: Edit it, please.

ALL: (LAUGHING)

MARK: So, moving on from seductive dogs.

CHARLOTTE: (LAUGHING)

JAMES: Yes.

ALL: (LAUGHING)

MARK: So, you’ve done all this great stuff by the age of 35?

JAMES: Yeah.

MARK: I think my final question is, what ambitions do you have left? What haven’t you done yet that you want to do?

JAMES: A few, but I don’t know that will be possible, but it could happen, but hey ho.

SW 1: What’s that?

JAMES: I can’t remember the top of my head.

MARK: We talked about the century break as one of your ambitions. 147 in an ideal world.

JAMES: Can’t remember.

SW 2: Anyone you want to meet?

JAMES: I can’t think of the top of me head. I want to meet a celebrity though, but…

MARK: Were you better for you then?

JAMES: Yeah, I really want to meet a few I haven’t met yet, and especially one I’ve already [met] on the game show, but it’s impossible to do so because I don’t think it’ll happen. Meet Richard O’Brien.

MARK: He’s still knocking around. OK. And I guess the other one which we sort of skirted around would be Newcastle United to win a trophy?

JAMES: Yes, we need a trophy this year. We do really need a trophy this year.

MARK: It’s been a little while.

JAMES: Yes, very, yeah. The last season, we nearly did it, nearly, but not quite.

MARK: I’m going to depress you now by telling you because I can remember Newcastle United last winning a trophy and I was six.

CHARLOTTE: I think you need to give some context to the listeners and tell them how old you are now.

MARK: I’m 62. Just to give you some idea.

CHARLOTTE, JAMES: (LAUGHING)

MARK: I can remember listening to the commentary of them winning it.

CHARLOTTE: Sorry to put you on the spot.

MARK: No, it’s fine.

JAMES: And especially it is the one guy, he’s obsessed with this Zoom call. We talked about that Zoom call, about Roy bloody Keen.

MARK: Yeah, we did in the pre… I mentioned Roy Keen walking his dogs where I live that wasn’t a popular…

JAMES: He looks dead miserable on Sky Sports.

MARK: He is dead miserable.

JAMES: (LAUGHING)

SW 1: He looks angry.

JAMES: Yeah, you feel like he wants to punch someone.

SW 2: Probably.

MARK: Well, he did when he was a player. Yeah, nothing would surprise me. Okay, that reminds me, I haven’t asked you.  Apart from ambitions to meet people, have you had any jobs or sort of work or not?

JAMES: I’m a Quality Checker for United Response.

MARK: Okay, Excellent. That’s good. Again, using your experience and your life experiences to good effect. So… Good.

JAMES: Needs checking in this room.

MARK: Don’t check it too carefully.

JAMES: I’m admiring this room.

MARK: Oh, right. OK, as long as you like it.

JAMES: There’s a few things need sorting.

MARK: I mean, it won’t worry either of us because it’s not our fault.

JAMES: The telly for a start.

MARK: Yeah.

JAMES: There’s a few cables.

MARK: Oh, does it need to be bigger?

JAMES: There’s a few cables.

CHARLOTTE: We can all look for health and safety.

MARK: Are you noting this to tell our colleagues?

CHARLOTTE: I will. I will say we don’t work here.

MARK: No, no.

CHARLOTTE, MARK: (LAUGHING)

MARK: Nothing to do with us.

JAMES:  I will mention it. I will mention before I go.

CHARLOTTE: It’s very good that you’re noticing those things that we…

MARK: It’s good that you’re demonstrating your professionalism…

CHARLOTTE: It is.

Mark: As a Quality Checker.